Simple products for simple tasks

When my beloved little mp3 player finally died this weekend, I took to the internet to search for the best prices on comparable devices...only to discover that there really aren't any machines quite so simple anymore.

When did every single product venture into the all-in-one market?

I want a simple little device that plays songs with a one-line readout of the tune blaring through my ear buds, not some high-tech, video-playing, internet-surfing, four-star-rated system with eight to fourteen buttons, a camera function, global positioning system software, a microwave, language-translator that allows me to do my banking in Croatia and Laos all in a bright-pink skin with wrap-around, ignore-the-world headphones that scream, "I'm so cool and aloof, there's no way you can approach me on the bus and ask me to move my book bag so you could possibly sit down."

And can I forgo all of that stuff that'll cost me more than half my rent this month? Nope—not really.

In this high-speed, on-the-go culture, products with only one function seem to be forced out of the market at major retailers, and have been replaced by the consolidation gadget. Printers no longer run off a home-work assignment; they scan, fax and, in some cases, hop on the internet for quick, targeted printing. Cell phones no longer just make calls; they conference, photograph, play music, watch television, play games, surf the web, morph into keyboards, tune guitars, translates documents, projects movie trailers onto a wall, and run hundreds of available programs or applications ("apps" is a terrible word, by the way. Shall I just start calling them "progs" just to mess with people and see how many correct me?), all designed to make your life easier.

I understand this concept——maximizing the utility of certain objects or products is a good marketing/business move. It's nifty having a camera that also takes brief video clips. It's convenient to be able to find your way out of the boonies when you're lost. But don't do this all-in-one dance with every product.

I want a home phone that rings and dials. I want a stapler that just links two pieces of paper together. I want a can-opener that only opens cans. And I want an mp3 player that just plays music.